Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Our Love Story: Part Two

[Part One]

Mr. Robinson and I were really starting to enjoy each other.  What started out as a game for me was causing us both to develop feelings for each other.  However, neither one of us could ignore how incredibly wrong we were for each other.

In November, I began waiting tables at Ruby Tuesday.  I finally graduated the hostessing program!  ;)  I remember sitting on the floor of the kitchen one night crying, and Mr. Robinson brought me a little cup of Coke-A-Cola (my favorite..he'd been paying attention).  My first time closing down the restaurant, the other serves left early without helping do ANY of the tasks they should have done.  Mr. Robinson came in that night, on his night off, around 11 p.m. to help me clean and finish up.

The next few months were quite painful for the both of us as we got closer, because I got scared every time and ended things.  It was hard to ignore all of our differences.  I was not accustomed to being treated so well and it terrified me.  It was something different and...the unknown is always scary.  I was used to being in dysfunctional relationships with drug dealers and bartenders...Mr. Robinson was different in all the right ways, he was everything a girl would want...but when I say I was terrified, I mean that I was absolutely scared to death of him because I had no clue what to expect.  He was different, he did the unknown, he was unpredictable to me, his motives were pure and for some reason pure motives caused me to doubt him....it was horrible.  Haha!  Isn't that ridiculous?!  

So we would be hanging out, trying to see what would happen between us....and I would push him away & call it all off.  Then I'd miss him, I'd long for his company...and he would miss me too and we would start spending time together again and everything would be perfect.  Then, fear would strike and I would push him away.  This happened at least 6 or 7 times... I knew that he loved me.  He had tried to tell me several times, but I forbid him to utter those three little terrifying words.  I'd heard those words from all the wrong guys.  Every guy that had a reason to love me and expressed that love...did not have the actually love for me in his heart.  Now Mr. Robinson, who has a million reasons not to love me is dying to say those words that I associated with lying, due to no fault of his own.  Things would be going well, and for some reason, something inside of me wanted to run away.

The last time I pushed him away, I called him one night while I was drunk and out at a bar with a bunch of my friends.  It hurt him...he tried to talk me out of it, but I was drunk and said some pretty hurtful things.  He decided that he couldn't be around me and the hurt anymore, and he left town and moved back in with his parents.  He said he needed to be in an encouraging and loving environment.  All of his friends discouraged him from spending any time with me because they knew and saw all of our differences.  His parents knew he loved me...and he needed sympathy.  He couldn't stand to be hurt anymore.  He moved away.  He left.  He came to work and told me goodbye.  I cried.

Go to Part Three! :) 

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