Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Not About The Conference


Several of y'all have asked me how Women at Crossroads turned out.  It was amazing.  Hopefully I'll blog all about it soon, but not today.  

When going through difficult times, a common piece of advice is to concentrate on the good things.  I'm going through something rather difficult right now.  Well, I guess I should say that "we" are going through something difficult but it doesn't feel like we're going through it together.  Maybe the best thing for me to do would be to truly put my focus on good things, like the conference.  But honestly, I just can't do it right now.  The conference was absolutely amazing.  It was such a blessing and I'm so happy with how it turned out.  When I write about it, I want to be in a good mood and I want to be INTO IT, you know?  

If I've said it once, I've said it 1,000 times.  This blog is my diary.  I try to be so honest about all the things that happen in my life as the semi-new Mrs. Robinson.  Saturday was our 9 month wedding anniversary.  We spent it pretty furious at each other.  Part of me wants to write it all out because writing is an outlet for me.  The other part of me wants to keep everything inside because putting writing makes it real.  It gives these problems roots, so to speak, and these problems....well, they're problems I have no interest in having.  I know that nobody ever wants to have problems.  But I so badly don't want to have these particular problems, you know?  I'm probably not making any sense at all.  And that's okay, I guess.  

I'm usually an emotional eater.  Last night I ate some little snack bar around breakfast.  I stayed home with what felt like a migraine...my head just felt so heavy & it throbbed.  I slept most of the day.  Mr. R made dinner and I ate a little, but my appetite wasn't normal.  I've felt queasy and not like myself.  I feel anxious and my heart won't stop racing.  I'm tired.  I'm feeling broken & defeated, and I'm scared.  A big part of this is fear.  I know I have to trust God...I know that.  I need to let Him turn my mess into a message.  But it goes back to the fact that I have no interest in having these problems.  I don't want them.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want this.  It makes me mad that I'm having to deal with this.  It's frustrating to deal with emotional problems that apparently are genetic.  So..if you pray, keep me and my husband in your prayers.  Hopefully I'll be back to blogging soon...  

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8 comments:

Tamara @ T {times} Three said...

I'll be thinking about you, girl! You know my e-mail if you need to chat or vent!

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

i'm with tamara - i'm around if you want to chat/vent/ or just want some support :) you two will be in my thoughts and, knowing what you believe, i hope you are able to take comfort in the fact that when situations/problems get you down that you can breathe+remember that there is someone in Heaven who loves you and watches over you - and there are many people on earth that care for you too! -xox

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

I just want you to know that NO matter what you or the two of you are going through right now that God wil NEVER put to much on your plate or give you more than you can handle. I have to remind myself of this daily. Although we may not like it, we may not understand the reasonings and we may never know "why" but know and remember he is there for you when ever you may need.
Im here as well girl, if you need to chat, vent, cry you got a friend in me and you know that.
Praying for you sweet thing!!!!!

Annabelle said...

I pray that you find peace and that things can get back to normal for you soon! I think you have a good bit of us followers that can lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on! You know how to reach me if you ever want to talk! Praying for you and Mr. R!

Desiree said...

i'm so sorry i've been so absent lately.. this is definitely not the post i had hoped to see from your bubbly self!

i'm here if you need to vent/talk/chat, etc.. who knows I may have been there.. just not with a husband ;) love you girl. chin up. keep your faith. look to God. he'll guide your ways.

Amber in South Carolina said...

Thinking of you and praying for you! Even if you don't publish it sometimes writing things out helps a lot. I know that God will lead you out of this a much stronger person! :)

Lauren said...

Praying for y'all! Marriage is hard-there is no questioning that. But it's the hard times that make the good times even better. Continuing to put your faith/trust in God will lead you through this storm.

Knot Tied Down said...

praying for you guys! I hope everything is OK *hugs*