I've decided to start using Monday's as a day to write about our marriage. :) Not that my "marriage" posts will be limited to Monday's only. I'll probably write about marriage-related things more than once a week, to be honest. This is just to sort of help me to remember to write about what's actually important versus my latest manicure or recipe or picture of Zombie. Those are a dime a dozen. ____________________________________________________________
Is it just me, or is the word "whatever" a pretty terrible word? The word itself is basically a lie. How many times have you said to someone "do whatever you want" or "whatever, I don't care" or "whatever you say" and not meant it? Try every single time. Haha! So, there, the word "whatever" is a liar because you say it when you mean anything but "whatever." Maybe you aren't guilty of this, but I certainly am. I rarely use the word "whatever" and a smile at the same time and I honestly thought that most people could say the same thing. Until we were at Mr. Robinson's family's Easter dinner. The men were in the living room watching TV and the women were in the kitchen. I'm still not completely at ease around his family and larger groups tend to intimidate me a little, so I was not really contributing to the conversation. I can't remember what they were talking about, but I'll always remember what his Aunt Robin said. With a smile, she said "Sometimes you just have to tell them 'whatever' and go along with it. Let them do what they want so that when they make a mistake, they can't blame you and when they miss out on something good, they can't resent you."
How 'bout 'dem apples, y'all?
Her words have echoed in my head on several occasions sense our Easter lunch with my husband's side of the family. To be perfectly honest, I'd never said "whatever" to my husband because I actually wanted him to do what he wanted to do. I still wanted my way. I still wanted him to do what I wanted when I said "do whatever you want." Then, last week, my mom jokingly asked me if I ever let him win. It was a lighthearted conversation that made me think about how often I let him win versus how often I'm driven by my need to win. So, I've consciously been trying to let him win more often. I've consciously been trying to pick my battles because not everything is worth the fight. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. I can think of a semi-recent example of a success and of a failure.
As many of you know, I've made a lifestyle change and am eating much healthier than the old me. Well, one day we were in Wal-Mart doing our monthly grocery shopping extravaganza and Mr. Robinson starts eyeing the cases of Mt. Dew. We exchange a few nervous & mischievous glances. He picks up a case of Mt. Dew. I tell him no, we aren't keeping soda in the house because I can't handle the temptation. Besides, he goes to at least one gas station every day - can't he just buy his daily dose of Mt. Dew then?! He says that he can't. It results in a wrestling match in the middle of the aisle over a case of Mt. Dew. Yes, I won! But was it worth the public fight? Probably not. Failure.
This past weekend, however, my husband wanted to go into town and compare AT&T phones and plans to Verizon phones and plans. For some reason he suddenly became unsatisfied with his iPhone. I thought it was silly. I tried to talk him out of this waste of time. I mean, AT&T is clearly better. He tells me all the time that we need a MacBook because Apple makes the best products. Why you'd trade your said Apple product for a Verizon product when you're an "Apple Man" is beyond me, but there was no talking him out of it. He went into town. He called me later and asked for the last four digits of my social security number because he was taking his cell phone off of our family plan and opening up his own account with Verizon so that he could get the phone he wanted. At first, I was mad because he didn't really discuss it with e and it was a waste of money and I could go on and on. He knew I was mad. But I built a bridge and got right over it because it wasn't worth the fight. Whatever, Mr. Robinson Get whatever phone your heart desires and when you come back to AT&T and want another iPhone because they're the bomb dot com, I'll try not to say "I told you so". Success!
That's the change I'm trying to make on my side of the marriage these days. As for him, who knows what's going on in that brain of his. If you want to know, cast your votes for a Mr. Robinson to start a blog of his own. :) He's actually been thinking about it! You did not hear that from me. Then, Sunday at church we had Resolution Sunday. People got to sign up in advance and then their names were called, they went before the church, and signed resolutions as a couple or as a family based off of the movie, Courageous. I thought I'd share what the resolutions consist of. :) And before you even start reading, no we are not pregnant.
Mr. Robinson's Resolution:
I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility
for myself, my wife, and my children. I
will love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the
spiritual leader of my home. I will be
faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life
for her as Jesus Christ did for me. I
will bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all
of their minds, and all of their strength.
I will train them to honor authority and live responsibly. I will confront evil, pursue justice, and
love mercy. I will pray for others and
treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. I will work diligently to provide for the
needs of my family. I will forgive those
who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. I will learn from my mistakes, repent of my
sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I will seek to honor God, be faithful to His
church, obey His Word, and do His will.
I will courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this
resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.
My Resolution:
I do solemnly resolve before God to embrace my current
season of life and live with a spirit of contentment. I will champion God’s model for womanhood and
teach it to my children. I will
celebrate my God-given uniqueness and the distinctions He has placed in
others. I will live as a woman
answerable to God and faithfully committed to His word. I will seek to devote the best of myself to the
primary roles God has entrusted to me. I
will be quick to listen, slow to speak, and esteem others more highly than
myself. I will forgive those who have wronged
me and reconcile with those I have wronged.
I will not tolerate evil influences in myself or my home but will
embrace a life of purity. I will purse
justice, love mercy, and extend compassion toward others. I will be faithful to my husband and honor
him in my conduct and in my conversation, and will aspire to be a suitable
partner to help him reach his God-given potential. I will teach my children to love God, respect
authority, and live responsibly. I will
cultivate a peaceful home where God’s presence is sensed. I will make today’s decisions with tomorrow’s
impact in mind and consider my current choices in light of future
generations. I will courageously work
with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my
life and for His glory.
There are several parts of the resolutions that involve children and families. Here's my/our opinion on that. We are a family whether we have children or not. These are good resolutions to make, good promises to make, and we can apply every single part to each other - even the parts directed toward kids. For example, Mr. Robinson resolved to "bless his children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength" and we don't have children. But the Bible calls men to be the spiritual leaders of their homes. In my opinion, my husband is called to be like a Pastor to me. He should know more of the Word than I do. If I have a question, I should go to him and if he doesn't know, he goes to our Pastor on my behalf. My husband should be my first pastor. So, he should bless me and teach me by example to love God with all I've got. An example from my resolution is where I resolved to "champion God's model for womanhood and teach it to my children." Again, no kids - what do I do? Well, I'm not sure what all God's model is for me, but I will learn. And I will teach it to my husband so that we both know what I should be doing and when I should be held accountable for my actions or inactions.
I'm so excited about these resolutions that we made. I'm thinking of starting out a gallery wall and incorporating our framed resolutions? Maybe? We'll see. The point of this post was to hopefully open someone else's eyes about when to let the fight go and that's it is possible to say "whatever" with a smile and with sincerity. I also want to remember learning this because who knows when I'll have to learn it again! =)
