Monday, June 25, 2012

Marriage Monday


MarriageMonday

Welcome to Marriage Monday's ~ the one day out of the week where I discuss what's going on in our marriage, good or bad.

We had such a wonderful & relaxing weekend, other than going to church on Sunday.  That kind of sucked, actually.  Yes, I know...what a horrible thing to say.  Our church is just not a happy place to be right now - there is so much tension in the air and everyone's emotions are running at an all time high.  I have some more news for y'all on this later this week, but if you don't know what I'm talking about...you can read the whole story here.  Even though some unpleasant things are happening within our church right now, having a godly husband has made all the difference.  He's had some really great advice through everything and he's been strong for me.  

Yesterday when we left church, I just got into the car and started sobbing.  I can't seem to wrap my brain around the things going on right now, and Mr. Robinson just drove us home and let me cry.

We've been married for a little over 9 months, and we've been together less than a year and a half total.  We still haven't reached the point in our relationship where I feel like I can cry to him.  When I cry, the poor guy has no clue what to do.  Sometimes he gets angry, sometimes he fusses at me, sometimes he ignores me...none of those things make me feel any better.  But it's hard to hold it against him since he really doesn't know what to do and we haven't been together long enough or gone through enough hard times for him to know what I need in those moments.  But this Sunday, he just let me cry.  He didn't say anything, he didn't do anything.  He drove.  I cried.  And in some weird, twisted way...it was nice.  It was nice just to have him there.  It was nice to cry in front of him, because I usually run into the bedroom and hide when I feel tears coming on.  

When we got home, I leaned into him for a hug with my face turned away so that I didn't get makeup on his white shirt.  We went inside, got the dogs, and went to my parent's house for lunch.  When we returned, we laid on the sofas and watched House until it was time for bed.  We didn't go back to church last night ... 

I felt uneasy all day.  I still feel uneasy this morning.  But I know my husband is there for me, and it makes a world of difference.  


So my goal for this week is to be a better wife to him, too.  I told him my plan this morning and he responded with a "Well, we have to start going to bed at 8:30."

I leave for work every morning at 8:45 am to be at work by 9.  Mr. R hasn't made any money in the past few weeks because it's easy for him to get distracted once I leave the house.  From what I can tell, he usually spends some time in the word, watches ESPN, and just kind of hangs out.  Sometimes he visits with a friend of his, sometimes he comes by my work and talks to me or my dad.  I've done nothing but make the problem worse...because when I work all day and come home to find him laying on the sofa, and the house looks a mess....the next morning, I leave him a list of chores.  My logic is that if he's going to spend all day at home, he might as well do some housework to help lighten my load.

And yes, if he's home all day he should help out around the house.  I come home and housework is done, so I'm happy.  The problem here is that I'm being selfish when I should be encouraging.  I told him this morning we're going to start waking up at 6 am instead of 8.  We'll spend some time studying the Bible together, have coffee, and get ready.  Hopefully if we start our day off productively, that pattern will continue for the rest of the day.  So...our bedtime has moved from 10 pm to 8:30, I suppose.  =)   It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make so that we can start being better friends for each other.  He gave me exactly what I needed by letting me cry in the car, and I should be giving him exactly what he needs too.  

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11 comments:

Tamara @ T {times} Three said...

Housework is something we struggle with all the time... well, I struggle with it. Trey was never made to clean house growing up, his mom just did everything for him. He can lay on the couch while I'm busting my butt for hours and it doesn't phase him. So it takes some anger and tears before he will help! I'm so glad Mr. R was there for him when you needed him to be!

Bethany Scruggs said...

It's sweet that you guys are willing to do that together. :) You should really start opening up to him when you're crying. Explain to him why and ask him for advice.. men like to feel needed.. :) LOVE YOU

Annabelle said...

You should definetly share your feelings with Mr. R! You will feel so much better! It took me almost 2 years to spill the beans on how I am feeling! Now, I will share too much with him, or so he says! ha!
P.S. I tagged you in my post today! Check it!

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

ha! i cry in front of Mr.C all the time...probably a little too much (seriously, i'm fairly certain over the last few years i've become an extreme cry baby, what gives?!). anyway, he offers me hugs which help (or making it worse depending on the situation) but then he starts to feel bad + tries to change the conversation. then i feel bad that i made him feel bad and it becomes a vicious cycle. but* i'm working on it! :) but i agree with what the others above are saying, guys like to solve your problems, feel needed, and be clued in to your emotions/feelings. make him aware and your relationship will be so much better for it i promise. tears - just one more thing you can bond over lol. ---also, love your message at the end of this post. my goal is also to be a better wife *and* friend to Mr.C. friend being the keyword here as I think at times that part can start to slip away even if you're married. :)

Lauren said...

I'm with Meg, I cry in front of my hubby ALL the time. It took time to get to that level of comfort, though. After being together for almost five years and married for two I can say that the level of comfort will come soon enough and it is very sweet. The important thing is not to get too comfortable and miss the special things that add to your marriage.

We're kind of in an opposite situation-I'm not working this summer and he is. I know what you mean about doing more since I'm home and I feel guilty when I ask him to do anything at all now. I guess it's just about finding that balance.

Elise Cooper said...

I am a single lady and have absolutely no marriage advice to give unlike many of the others that comment BUT I will say that waking at 6 am is impressive and it says a lot about who you both are, as well as your marriage, that you are willing to better yourselves for one another everyday. I'll say a pray for ya'll tonight! (I personally would need it have to wake up that early!)

Brittany Doyon said...

ThanKs for posting this! It feels good to hear about people in similar situations. Kyle and I have been together for almost the exact same length of time and I feel like he doesn't know what to do when I really need him. This was encouraging. Maybe me and the hubby will be getting up at 6 in the am to strangthen our marriage too :)

Ashley Dunaway said...

I love this post. You are doing all the right things. sending you hugs and love you are a great wife.

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

Finding your grove in life / a marriage isnt always easy peachy king. It takes trial and error, you will get there hon. Praying for you and the hubbs!!!

Elisabeth @ La Vita e Bella said...

i like this idea of marriage mondays - and of being a better friend to him. i also am super happy when i come home and housework is done but i really do need to work on being encouraging instead of demanding.

Kristen Seuberling said...

Housework is an ongoing thing... I made Ammon promise that when we get pregnant, I get a housekeeper twice a month for the big stuff. I am so looking forward to that day. Too bad it's still a few years off.

You have a great plan! I see no reason why in 10 years, the two of you won't look back on this time and realize what an awesome relationship you were working really, really hard to build.