Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Fog

This morning on my way to work, it was very foggy.  I only live 5 minutes (or less) from the place that employees me, so it was a short drive through the fog.  I really wanted to take a picture of the fog because it just looked the way I feel right now, but taking a picture would have meant pulling over, getting my maxi dress & toes all wet, looking like an idiot, waiting on a moment in time where NO cars or tractors or grandmas in robes were in the picture, and ultimately being late for work.  So I decided to pull this picture off the internet, instead.  So, this is pretty much what I saw on the way to work this morning, but without the snow because it's summer in South Carolina.  




Anyway.  It got me thinking about how I feel like I'm driving through the fog right now.  This is a life analogy, so just stick with me.  

I can't see in front of me.  I don't know what is going to happen, I don't know what is next.  I have no clue and I feel like I'm driving blind.  Marriage is tough right now.  I'm dealing with some emotional, chemical, or mental things right now that I don't even want to talk or think about.  There are some really difficult things going on at our church that are scary.  Through the women's conference, all of these doors are opening in front of me and it's so overwhelming.  Do you know what's it like to have so many things right in front of your face, but all you see is fog?  It's a horrible feeling.  

My prayers right now are that God will heal my marriage, heal me, protect our church and lead us in His path, and guide me in the future.  While the fog itself is scary, I know God is in there.  I just hate the fog.  I hate it so much.  Like I said yesterday, I have no interest in having these problems but here they are.  

I was talking with my mom earlier today.  She reminded me that the devil is not all-knowing, so he was probably surprised by how wonderful Women at Crossroads turned out to be.  People left blessed & encouraged, not because of me, but because I obeyed God.  Now all of these doors are opening, giving me opportunities to reach more people by serving on a committee that organizes youth rallies and revivals, speaking to young teenagers to help prepare them for high school, speaking at high school functions... Satan sees these opportunities.  He's angry at me.  Satan has moved in my life through drugs & alcohol abuse and I'm using those things against him and for God.  He's angry.  I caught him off guard with Women at Crossroads, but I won't catch him off guard again.  Cue the marriage problems, the emotional problems, the stress from church, etc.  If Satan starts ripping at the seams that hold me together, will I still be so willing to serve my God?  If my life is in shambles, will I continue to praise Him?  

To be honest, nothing about my past says that I will.  But in talking to my mom this morning, I feel a new sense of motivation to not let any of this beat me.  Satan has been putting all sorts of lies in my head.  He's been messing things up left and right, and I'm letting these things get to me.  If I am defeated, Satan has won.  And I've decided that I'm not going to let that happen.  It doesn't matter what I can or can't see ahead of me.  As far as I'm concerned, the fog can go hover elsewhere because I'm not going to let it intimidate me anymore.  

Yesterday, Mr. Robinson saw a church sign that said "For every Goliath, there is a stone."  I think it brought him some peace... we're still having problems.  We're struggling.  To be totally honest, things are really awkward at the Robinson house right now.  We're in the thick of the fog.  God is with us, with a big stone to throw at this big "Goliath" if we let Him.  

I was listening to Pandora Praise & Worship this morning...and I've heard this song dozens of times, but it just gave me strength today.  :)  For some reason, I'm not able to embed a video in this post today so just click here. 

I just want to my heart to stop racing...I want this anxiety gone.      

sig-1-1

15 comments:

Ashley said...

The fog really is a good analogy. When you are stuck in it it can be hard to see the way out... even though you know it is there. That in itself can be very frustrating.... wanting to find the way out but not seeing how. Hang in there. I can tell you that my marriage has gone through some really low lows and really high highs. Not gonna lie, there were months where it was so bad I thought I wanted out. Marriage is such hard work! If you ever want to talk I am here for you. I mean that because I can sense a little of what you are going through, having been there myself.

Ashley said...

Great analogy!! We all have fog in our lives at some point, sometimes it lifts quicker than other times. I pray for you and your hubby to get through whatever it is you are struggling with. Sometimes a simple reminder of why you love each other soo much will work. Forgiveness is hard, but worth it in the right situation!

Melissa said...

Anxiety is horrible. I've struggled with it for many years. I've found that even when things seem exceptionally bad, that gratitude helps me feel better. I hope that whatever you're going through gets better really soon. Marriage has it's ups and downs. It's hard but you can do it. I'm here if you ever need / want to talk!

Stephanie said...

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time right now. The most important thing to remember is that every marriage goes through trials, just like we do in our walk with Christ. You will both be stronger in Christ and in your marriage when it's over. Saying a prayer for you today.

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

great analogy. i hope that everything will come together for you, that the motivation will grow, and you will be able to push through this fog and take advantage of the opportunities that are being laid before you - because i think you could rock them so hard! and definitely knock the wind outta satan yet again :)

Pamela said...

Praying for you two!!

Cori H. said...

I love this analogy! I can really relate to this right now. Praying for you, girl! And Mr. R too :)

Heather Draney said...

I'm sorry that you're going through such a fog. I have different beliefs than you do religiously, but I think the major premise is still there. He will help you through. Keep fighting and things will work our. I've personally just come through an ugly few months including some relationship problems. He came through for me, and I know he will come through for you too. Let me know if you need anything. (Heatherdraney@gmail.com)

Much love,
Heather

Kristen Seuberling said...

I just sent you an email about your previous post. It still applies to this one. My heart aches for you. And I'm always here to listen and love on you if you need it.

Knot Tied Down said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really hope things get better for you soon and that the fog begins to clear.

Desiree said...

you have been such an inspiration for me, bebe.. and I feel like finding your blog was one of God's ways of leading me closer to him.. the more I started reading your blog and the more I started talking to you.. the more it started making more sense.

i'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through.. but please keep fighting with God's help. I know that you can do this and I know that you have the tools and the ability to get to the other side of the fog. love you always girl.

Alison Sokol said...

I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in this fog, but I know you will find a break and see the sunlight. Keep praying and stay strong! I know you can break through this.

Lauren said...

I know you are still struggling but your ability to praise God will only tick Satan off more! You keep doing what your doing. He will see you through this season of pain!

Lauren said...

I know you are still struggling but your ability to praise God will only tick Satan off more! You keep doing what your doing. He will see you through this season of pain!

Nicole Weaver said...

You will get through this. My husband and I just celebrated 1 year of marriage a little less than a month ago. For the first 6 months of marriage we didn't even know if we were going to stay married. Keep God in everything you do. When you fail to do so, when you turn away from Him, Satan slips in. Keep your nose and toes pointed to Jesus. It is easy to lose focus and feel defeated, instead try thanking Him for everything, praise Him even though its hard, I know from experience. And finally speak faith, speak that He will heal your marriage. Your honesty touches me, what you posted today is something I needed to read today. I have been struggling with staying focused lately, so thank you. I will be praying for you. :)