There is so much going on right now. If you read my last post, you know that the Women at Crossroads conference I've been working on since March is tomorrow & Saturday. Nervous is an understatement. It doesn't even come close to describing the wide variety of emotions I'm feeling right now.
My mom's advice to me through and through has been to expect resistance from people. If bad things happen, either during planning or during the conference itself, it's because the devil is at work to stop the good things happening for God. If I don't feel resistance, it's because the devil has nothing to stop. The really hard resistance has started... and it's not fun to experience.
I feel like some people are struggling with the fact that I'm 23 and telling them what to do. Of course this would be an issue for older ladies, especially grandma-aged ladies. I can understand that. I can't understand downright refusing to do what I ask.
I feel like a lot of people have just waited until the last minute to get their work done. Procrastination happens in life and I totally understand that as well. Some people are natural procrastinators and work best under pressure. Everyone has their own methods and to each her own. BUT...leading this conference is one of the most terrifying things I've done. I've been asking people for their materials for weeks, yet I'm still empty-handed on the day before the conference. I would LOVE if people would be respectful of the fact that I don't work well under that kind of pressure. It would have been nice for all the procrastinators to pretend like the conference was last Friday. Sigh.
I feel like a good chunk of people aren't supportive of the conference. I don't know why and I probably never will. Don't take it personal. But it is personal. This conference has consumed my life lately. I've worked hard on this because God gave me this idea and He deserves my best efforts. The conference is deeply personal to me. Therefore, when people oppose what I'm doing or try to make it harder for me to complete the task(s) at hand...I do take it personal. It is personal.
Right now, I'm feeling rather down in the dumps. I'm feeling as thought I have absolutely no business being in the position I am right now...like I shouldn't be leading a conference. Maybe I just can't handle being in charge. I'm angry and frustrated, I'm trying not to let it get to me but can't deny that is has already gotten to me. I'm nervous about the conference - what if it's not a success? what if more people show up than we planned for and we can't accommodate them all? I'm sad that some people just can't handle being told what to do by a younger adult. I'm sad that there are so many Christians in my life who are letting Satan use them against the conference. I'm sad I'm believing the lies the devil keeps putting in my head.
In other news, we got a new dog. His name is Yoda. I also go highlights. And a haircut. More next week...