Thursday, June 7, 2012

Feelings...


There is so much going on right now.  If you read my last post, you know that the Women at Crossroads conference I've been working on since March is tomorrow & Saturday.  Nervous is an understatement.  It doesn't even come close to describing the wide variety of emotions I'm feeling right now.  

My mom's advice to me through and through has been to expect resistance from people.  If bad things happen, either during planning or during the conference itself, it's because the devil is at work to stop the good things happening for God.  If I don't feel resistance, it's because the devil has nothing to stop.  The really hard resistance has started... and it's not fun to experience.  

I feel like some people are struggling with the fact that I'm 23 and telling them what to do.  Of course this would be an issue for older ladies, especially grandma-aged ladies.  I can understand that.  I can't understand downright refusing to do what I ask.  

I feel like a lot of people have just waited until the last minute to get their work done.  Procrastination happens in life and I totally understand that as well.  Some people are natural procrastinators and work best under pressure.  Everyone has their own methods and to each her own.  BUT...leading this conference is one of the most terrifying things I've done.  I've been asking people for their materials for weeks, yet I'm still empty-handed on the day before the conference.  I would LOVE if people would be respectful of the fact that I don't work well under that kind of pressure.  It would have been nice for all the procrastinators to pretend like the conference was last Friday.  Sigh.

I feel like a good chunk of people aren't supportive of the conference.  I don't know why and I probably never will.  Don't take it personal.  But it is personal.  This conference has consumed my life lately.  I've worked hard on this because God gave me this idea and He deserves my best efforts.  The conference is deeply personal to me.  Therefore, when people oppose what I'm doing or try to make it harder for me to complete the task(s) at hand...I do take it personal.  It is personal.  

Right now, I'm feeling rather down in the dumps.  I'm feeling as thought I have absolutely no business being in the position I am right now...like I shouldn't be leading a conference.  Maybe I just can't handle being in charge.  I'm angry and frustrated, I'm trying not to let it get to me but can't deny that is has already gotten to me.  I'm nervous about the conference - what if it's not a success?  what if more people show up than we planned for and we can't accommodate them all?  I'm sad that some people just can't handle being told what to do by a younger adult.  I'm sad that there are so many Christians in my life who are letting Satan use them against the conference.  I'm sad I'm believing the lies the devil keeps putting in my head.  

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In other news, we got a new dog.  His name is Yoda.  I also go highlights.  And a haircut.  More next week... 

sig-1-1

9 comments:

Ashley said...

Oh, girl, I am so sorry! I can't even imagine how tough that must be. You seem like you are handling it with such grace too... I would be a little outta control. :) I sincerely hope all is resolved and it goes off amazingly.

Tamara @ T {times} Three said...

Keep your head up! When I first started working where I do now, I met a lot of resistance because of my age... and still do sometimes! I was walking into an office of 40-something ladies, and they didn't like a 21 year old showing them up. But you've got the skills and it will be awesome, don't you worry about it! And it will be so worth it in the end!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

You will do great this weekend!!! Just leave it in Gods hands, he will guide you through and take control. Congrats on the new pup, cant wait to hear about him.

Kristen Seuberling said...

I believe in you, and I believe in the ability that you have to rick this conference to its fullest. You are amazing!

Virginia said...

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time! I hope everything falls into place, but no matter what happens, it sounds like you'll look good doing it. ;-) haha keep your head up! I hope everything works out!!

Knot Tied Down said...

the conference is going to go great! you'll look back on these feeling and smile down the road and see that you were worrying over nothing :-)

Lauren said...

You poor thing! I know how hard it is to do something new and different. Like you said, God gave you this idea. Maybe no one else is supposed to understand. Maybe you're supposed to face adversity so that you can learn to overcome it when you reach bigger tasks. You can do. We all know it and God knows it. That's why he trusted you with His task!

Ashley said...

I am a new follower ;)

It sounds like you are struggling, but with every struggle is a lesson, maybe one you can teach them. Don't beat yourself up for trying to bring out the best in others, in the end it is up to them how they take things and if it negative, it a choice they made, not something you have inflicted.

Feel free to pop by and say hello sometime!! ;)

Annabelle said...

Stand your ground girl! You should let the ones that are not doing what they should know that they are the ones who commited to helping and if they cannot follow you as their leader that you can find someone who can. It is very hard for elders to take instruction from a yearling like us! I pray you find the strength to get through this! I know you can do it! Hold your head high and know that this too shall pass!