Monday, March 26, 2012

Seven Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

Well, this post is awesome but I can't take the credit.  It actually came from Perry Noble's blog.  First, I'd like to point out that I do not read his blog regularly.  As in, this might be the second post I've ever read by him.  He is a pastor for a mega-church called New Spring.  This brings me to my second point, which is I don't like New Spring churches and I'm not very comfortable with any mega-church or mega-pastor.  However, Perry Noble's post about "Seven Ways To Destroy Your Marriage" is both accurate and humorous.  I've also been super busy lately with work {but you didn't notice because I had a ton of posts set up to post on their own} so borrowing P.N.'s content saves me some time.  

Seriously, though, the mister and I were going through some pretty heavy stuff last week.  We were arguing and, well, pretty much doing all seven of these things.  I came across this post because (unbeknownst to the hubster) I saw his little tweet to Perry Noble, thanking him for the slap in the face this particular blog post gave him.  The tweet tweeted a day after we made up, so obviously I went to read the post right away.  I hope you can learn as much as I did!  =)    

Want to absolutely destroy your marriage?  Here are seven ways that always work!
#1 – Refuse To Communicate
Talk about the person and not to them because doing so will be awkward…this will assure destruction!  And, the silent treatment is really an amazing weapon when it comes to refusing to communicate, don’t worry about the fact that five year olds do it…just own it!  
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  Guilty.  I'm bad about this, but so is my husband.  We get mad at each other and go to separate rooms and pout.  It's def something we need to improve upon.    
#2 – Refuse To Listen
Interrupting my spouse during conflict to immediately correct them and then trying my best to make a stronger point always helps tear a relationship to pieces!
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  Haha, this one is actually stepping on my husband's toes more than mine.  I adore the man, but he's all about interrupting me to correct me when we're in a fight.  
#3 – Always Assuming The Absolute Worse About Your Spouse
As soon as I hear (or even think about) something negative about my spouse it is absolutely essential to carry that thought to its fullest illogical conclusion.  Don’t EVER ask for an explanation or clarification as more open communication will lead to a stronger marriage!
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  I'd be willing to bet that almost everyone is a little guilty of doing this.  We get our feelings hurt over something, but instead of talking about it we dwell on what happened.  Come to find out, it was a misunderstanding.  Why do we tend to assume the worst about our spouses?  I know I'm not the only one who's thought mid-fight "He doesn't love me!"  How ridiculous.  He married me, of course he loves me.  Sometimes fights just get out of control...   
#4 – Make Sure The Goal Is To Win The Argument Rather Than Actually Settle The Dispute
If you realize you are wrong about something you must allow pride to dominate your thought life, thus unleashing a barrage of accusations that actually have nothing to do with what the original argument/discussion had to do with in the first place!  Win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply.
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  Yep, how often do we say hurtful things, and when we look back on what happened we realize that we only said that to "win."  Guilty as charged.  
#5 – You Must View Your Spouse As Your Enemy, NOT Your Friend
You cannot see your spouse and you as being on the same team if you want a great marriage, you must view everything as some sort of game and make it a goal to compete with them and not actually complete them.
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  It's easy to forget that we're on the same team, no matter what.  Team members disagree from time to time, but that doesn't mean they're on opposite teams!  
#6 – Focus As Much As Possible On Their Inadequacies & Shortcomings
You’ve GOT to talk about how much they are “not meeting your needs” and how they need to “step up and do better” as often as possible.  By all means do NOT take a look at yourself and what you could do to improve the marriage.  Everything MUST be blamed on them and you’ve got to see yourself as flawless and perfect.
(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  Guilty.  I'm bad about this, but so is my husband.  We get mad at each other and go to separate rooms and pout.  It's def something we need to improve upon.  It's something I need to improve upon.  When I'm upset because I feel like my husband should be doing "x" better, I stop trying.  If I'm mad because he doesn't help unload the dishwasher, I go on strike and stop washing clothes.  Haha.  It's so silly.  What do you think marriage would be like if we ALL put our best effort into it all the time.  And when we feel wronged, we step our game up and hope to inspire our partner to do better instead of nagging them.  And yes, I'm talking to myself here, haha.  
#7 – Do NOT Have Fun Together
Heck no!!!  You need your set of friends and your spouse needs their set.  Don’t have mutual friends.  Don’t have date nights.  Don’t do anything fun as a family.  Make sure that when you are out on a date as a couple you spend as much time on your phone with someone else as possible because communication with your spouse will do nothing except make your marriage stronger. 

(Mrs. Robinson's Thoughts)  It's great to have your own interests, friends, and hobbies.  It's equally (or even more, in my opinion) important to have fun as a couple.  =)  

Hope you guys enjoyed these as much as I did!  Be a better spouse today!  =)  



TIffany Gabriel said...

I'm always looking for ways and suggestion on bettering my marriage because by no means is it perfect. Thanks Chicka!!!

Amber in South Carolina said...

very good list and i think with #1 the important thing to remember is that there is a difference between diffusing the situation (letting each other come down from the angry) and ignoring. also being able to tell when your spouse needs a time out from the conversation is important. i'm not always very good at it, but we're working on it :)

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

great post. love your added commentary! :)

Mrs. Robinson said...

Hmm...good point. =) I'm bad about when my hubby needs a break, I just keep going. Def something to improve upon.

lilmoomoo said...

I agree with all those things!
I HATE HATE HATE fighting with my husband. We don't do it often, but when we do, it's always good to remember that you really shouldn't be fighting AGAINST your husband or wife, fight FOR something, and work towards compromise!

Loved your commentary too!

Ashley said...

I was reading this out load to my hubby and he just kept giving me knowing looks.... haha. I am pretty guilty about wanting to "win" an argument. At least I can admit it!

Alison Sokol said...

This is such a great post. Everything is so true.

Elisabeth said...

Great post :)