My husband and I have some of the craziest dreams. Don't get it twisted. When I say "crazy dreams," I'm talking dreams that involve crimes or dreams that resemble bad mushroom trips. Things get a little crazy in Robinson Dream Land. I've been known to cry in my sleep as well as yell at the bad guys. Who knows what those crazy neurons are up too, but I want to tell y'all about the dream I had last night.
I woke up this morning when a most ridiculous dream ended. I sort of stared through the ceiling for a while, feeling kind of sad. In my dream, I had graduated from college. I was so happy to walk across the stage and get the diploma I'd spent a lot of time working toward. A lot of time, even if I wasn't working very hard the entire time. I was all dressed in my cap and gown. I received my degree. When the ceremony was over, everyone scattered. Everyone had family there to hug and smile at. Everyone except me. My husband wasn't there. My parents weren't there. My sister wasn't there. My grandparents weren't there. I stood in a crowd full of people hugging and rejoicing and beaming, and I stood there alone.
I'm one of those weird people who are affected by their dreams. I've had dreams where my husband beats me (which he does not do in real life) and I wake up mad at him. I've had dreams where I've killed people and I wake up feeling guilty. I've had dreams were family members die and I wake up in tears. I've had dreams where I do something that makes me happy and I wake up in an exceptionally happy mood. My dreams affect my reality. So this morning when I woke up, I was feeling pretty sad. I had graduated college and nobody bothered to show up to congratulate me.
Well, in real life, I'm not a college graduate. I attended college for four and a half years and am still miles away from earning a degree. When I first went off to college, I was amazed at how hard everything seemed. In movies, college was a party. I was prepared to party, not study. I mean, who does that? I never had to study in high school and I came out with A's and B's. Instead of being responsible, accepting that college is different from high school, buckling down & studying...I decided that I'd have the party I'd been dreaming of anyway and my degree would take care of itself. Well, my degree didn't take care of itself and I chose partying over an education. Luckily, I have a godly father who forgave me because Jesus first forgave him - and daddy offered me a job in the family business (which was the plan all along). Even though I have the same job I would have had after I graduated college, I still want my degree. Someday. When life calms down and I find a balance between my husband, family, God, church, work, & being a wife...I'll go back to school. I will graduate like I always dreamed. I will graduate just like all those people I'm jealous of. And I'll have an education. A complete education. And maybe I'll go back for even further education, who knows. But I'll graduate college and when I walk off the stage and into the scattered masses of people..somewhere out there will be my husband.
Marrying him means that I'll never have to be alone. As long as God lets me keep him, I will have him by my side through good and bad. When I graduate, he will be there. When I cry, he will be there. When I cook something new, he'll be there to taste it and tell me what he thinks. When I do yard work, he will be there for me to brag to. (Don't act like I'm the only self-proclaimed princess who hates being dirty so much that when I actually do something that gets dirt on me, I decide it's worth bragging about.) When I'm mad about traffic or work or insurance and need to take it out on some poor unsuspecting bystander, he'll be there. When I need attention or a compliment, he'll be there. And it's so great! It's just so, so great to have that. God has blessed me so much through my husband. I can't imagine walking through life without him...without always having someone there. I'm so happy to know that I'll never have to be fully alone. Not for the rest of my life.
And yes, sometimes I just want to scream that I need some alone time, but when I need to scream those words...he'll be there to listen and give me what I need. Because he's awesome. And because when God created him, He created him for me and He knew what I'd need and so he put those things inside Mr. Robinson. Just like He filled me with things that Mr. Robinson would someday need. I wonder what else we'll pull out of our hats...I wonder what skills I'll discover in myself simply because my husband needs me to be there for him a new way.