Happy Monday & Happy Halloween! It's a pretty dreary day here. The type of day that makes me want to throw this coffee mug out the window and crawl back into bed. I pretty much have no desire to be awake. Also, Hubs & I had a pretty eventful weekend and we were both exhausted when we woke up this morning. I've already drank two cups of coffee in vein, so I've decided I will try to write a great blog post and hopefully that will wake me up! :)
Like I said, we had a pretty eventful weekend & I hope all of you reading had a good weekend as well. Friday, after work, was just a normal night in. Pork chops for dinner, we watched Game 7, and went to bed because he had to work Saturday morning. After he got off work Saturday afternoon we started getting ready to go up to his parents house. They live about two hours away and threw us a party Saturday. They wanted to have a Meet-&-Greet party so that their friends who weren't invited to our small wedding could meet me. Before we left, we got into a little squabble that turned into something bigger. I'd made him angry without realizing it, but he didn't want to talk about it. He said "let's just go ahead to my parents house and get this little charade over with."
We talked about that a little... he brought up how we never talked about or resolved any of our issues. We just pretended like they didn't happen. He told me a lot about the way I had been making him feel...and it really broke my heart. I had no idea I made him feel so...BAD sometimes. It really opened my eyes and I am glad he shared with me, even though it was hard to hear some of his feelings. I do encourage you all to ask your husbands some hard questions this week...questions you don't really want to know the answers to. I feel like it really helped our marriage for him to confess how badly I can hurt him sometimes, and for me to sincerely apologize. I can already tell a significant difference in our relationship and it's only been two days since this talk. I cried, I was emotional, but I had HURT my HUSBAND. I had caused my soul mate pain...what a horrible feeling. I had disappointed him and I resented myself. But, without that knowledge I can't fix my actions. We went to the party as planned, but I was really beating myself up. I wanted our marriage to be perfect again! What an unrealistic expectation.. But...it's still what I want. My husband said some very true words during our talk.
The party....it was tough at first, to put on my party face and smile like everything is perfect. Pretending to be in the honeymoon phase is pretty difficult when you are many, many miles away from the honeymoon. It's not only difficult, it's very sad. Everyone was asking, "how's married life?!" They only wanted to hear the good things.
Eventually, the "charade" became easier and easier. And then it became real affection. It was almost like he accepted that I was trying, I accepted that he was trying. We accepted that we are going to "try" in different ways. We had a nice time at the party. We escaped for a few minutes to take a bathroom break & warm up inside his parent's house. We talked for a few minutes. I was feeling very anxious, but during our little sneak-away chat he comforted me and promised that he loves me always and that we will always be together. It was like hot chocolate for my soul. It warmed me from the inside out and was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.
We snuggled that night and fell asleep. We made an improvement.
Sunday, we went to church together at the church we went to when we dated & lived in the city. Then, we ate lunch together at Ruby Tuesday, where we first met and fell in love.
THEN, we went to Wal-Mart and bought some stuff for our Halloween costumes. And made it home just in time to get ready for the Night Service at our church...which just happened to be our final shower! :D No more wedding showers for us! While we loved the gifts and all of the love & support, we are both tired of writing thank you notes and unpacking!
I guess the short version of this story would have been..."we're okay." I love my husband, he loves me, & we are getting better and better at marriage with each passing day! Not to say that marriage is easy, and our marriage is nowhere close to being perfect. But we value each other, we value our love, and we are really starting to learn that if this is going to work we are going to have to not just love each other every day. We have to MARRY each other each day. We have to try and try and try. Trying once is not enough. Our love is not enough. Love is pretty flimsy stuff in terms of being a foundation for marriage. It's a learning process and a growing process.