Our Usual Fights {After 6 Months}

Maybe it's just a Robinson thing, but we seem to have the same fights over and over.  Marriage is a challenging and beautiful mess, and we're still learning our way.  We'll probably always be learning our way, but I thought it'd be interesting to write a post about what our current most common fights are.  Like I said, we seem to have the same fights set on repeat for some reason.  My mom says that her and my dad still have the same fights they've been having for 20+ years, and maybe all marriages are like that.

Some are petty and silly.  Some stay light while others can get pretty heated.  In any event, these are the fights we've been having up until the 6th month mark:

• Housework & Chores:  My mom, in my opinion, is close to perfect.  She also has a pretty ideal lifestyle - she's a housewife with a wealthy husband.  She spends her days cleaning their home, cooking amazing foods, working out, taking care of all the bills, reading her Bible, etc.  I grew up in a spotless home.  Absolutely spotless.  My mom is a clean freak.  My husband and I are living in the house I grew up in.  Except it's not so spotless anymore, since we both work 40+ hours a week and still try to find time to read our Bibles, remember to send off our bills on time, take care of the dog, juggle church and our other responsibilities, and I try to exercise.  Our plates are full, and all I want is to go to sleep every night in a clean house.  Oh, and I want my husband to help my achieve that.  We fight about chores all the time.  I hate how much I nag him....  I cook dinner, all I want is for him to help wash the dishes.  When we first got married, I wanted to clean the house little by little every day so that we would have our weekend set aside to relax and have fun.  He preferred that we use Saturday's as our housework day.  Except now that we spend every Saturday cleaning the house, he's decided that it's not necessary to sweep/mop/wash-dishes/clean-toilets/etc. once a week.  I can not get him to do yard work.  He has cut the grass a few times, but there are weeds everywhere, the bushes and hedges and trees and everything are out of control.  When he gets home, he checks the mailbox and brings the mail inside.  But instead of putting the mail away or throwing out the junk mail, he leaves piles of paper all of the kitchen counter.  He doesn't throw anything away.  I'm getting off track.  The point is that having a clean home is important to me.  It is not important to him.  We argue all the time about this because he either doesn't help, refuses to help, argues with me about why such&such doesn't need to be done, or complains about having to help.  And just so that y'all don't think my husband is the bad guy (because he really is a wonderful man & I love him very much!)...I turn into a big, fat, nagging wife.  Hence, the fight.  Which brings me to our next fight...     

• Why Do I Have To Ask You For Help?:  It drives me nuts that I have to ask my husband to help me do things.  I spend an hour cooking him dinner.  I get everything ready, fix his plate, hand him silverware, tell him what we've got to drink.  And he fixes his drink.  I just spent over an hour preparing a dinner for us.  Be courteous and fix us both a drink.  Does that make sense?  Or when the clean towels are in the dyer, we both have to shower to get ready for work, and he brings one towel into the bathroom.  This fight or always me fussing at him...it all boils down to I feel like I carry more weight than he does & shouldn't have to ask for help.  So I nag, fuss, complain and a verbal fight breaks out.  This one's probably our most common & most heated....probably because it always comes AFTER the first fight I mentioned, meaning that tempers and emotions are already running high.    

• Mr. Robinson's Compromise:  Whenever we talk about compromising, it seems like it's me asking my husband to compromise with me.  As a result, he naturally feels like I never have to compromise with him - which makes him less likely to willingly or joyfully compromise with me.  He doesn't see the compromises I make because I don't mention them or draw attention to them while I'm making them.  For example...he loves my spicy chicken nuggets.  He could eat them for dinner several times a week, while I would be satisfied with eating them once a month.  However, I cook them once a week anyway.  I don't say to him "Honey, I'd like to point out the fact that I'm compromising with you by cooking chicken nuggets for dinner.  I'd rather have {fill in the blank} but I'm cooking what you want instead.  I'm compromising...keep this in mind!"  I firmly believe that this has everything to do with him being an only child and me being the oldest sibling.  To be honest, it's probably a combination of us both being right.  We both compromise...I compromise often without calling attention to it (but not as often as I should/could), while expecting him to compromise all the time (big sister syndrome).    

• Visiting Other Churches:  My husband and I both adore our church, but occasionally he wants to go into the "big city" an hour away and visit larger churches that have a different type of worship service.  His favorite is a church that is quite similar to a rock concert...and I hate it.  I feel that it's irreverent and it makes me miss our home church.  Not to mention, I feel like as members of a church 5 minutes away from our home (and with it being a church we love and are very happy with) we have no business waking up an extra hour and a half early to go visit a church we aren't going to join, especially if I don't get as much out of that type of service.  

• I'm Sick of Boy Movies & He's Sick of TV Shows:  This one explains itself and is 100% two-sided.  I am always sick of watching boy movies, he is always sick of watching TV shows.  My Side:  Let's just watch an episode of Law & Order: SVU or House, fast-forward through the commercials, and it takes less than hour.  Then we can watch another episode or something else, or find something else to do, or go to sleep! His Side:  There are so many movies that you need to see - all you've ever watched are chick flicks.  You're missing out on some really great movies - and we watch SVU all the time.  Let's do something different.  And back & forth, back & forth, back & forth.  I feel like we should watch a show that we both enjoy rather than watch a movie that only he will enjoy.  However, my argument is void because he's sick to death of SVU & House.  

I love my husband and he loves me.  We don't hate each other, we don't fight all the time, and we have plenty of good days.  Both of us are committed to surviving every fight.  I'm sure this post implies that we fight like cats and dogs...but our reality is that we are two imperfect people who had one perfect day on September 10, 2011.  We looked our best, dressed our best, and acted our best.  It was perfect..

  "My New Wife Life" is a blog about our life ... after I took off my wedding dress &  after he took off his tuxedo.  And sometimes it sucks, because it's anything but perfect haha.