3 Ways Slumber Parties Prepared Me For Marriage

Sounds interesting, doesn't it?  ;)  

Y'all just have to go over to sweet Alison's blog to read the post, though!  And make sure you snoop around and learn more about the SoKool's while you're there, because they're awesome.  

So...if you want to know 3 ways slumber parties prepared me for marriage, you should click here.

Marriage Monday

Welcome to Marriage Monday's ~ the one day out of the week where I discuss what's going on in our marriage, good or bad.
We had such a wonderful & relaxing weekend, other than going to church on Sunday.  That kind of sucked, actually.  Yes, I know...what a horrible thing to say.  Our church is just not a happy place to be right now - there is so much tension in the air and everyone's emotions are running at an all time high.  I have some more news for y'all on this later this week, but if you don't know what I'm talking about...you can read the whole story here.  Even though some unpleasant things are happening within our church right now, having a godly husband has made all the difference.  He's had some really great advice through everything and he's been strong for me.  
Yesterday when we left church, I just got into the car and started sobbing.  I can't seem to wrap my brain around the things going on right now, and Mr. Robinson just drove us home and let me cry.
We've been married for a little over 9 months, and we've been together less than a year and a half total.  We still haven't reached the point in our relationship where I feel like I can cry to him.  When I cry, the poor guy has no clue what to do.  Sometimes he gets angry, sometimes he fusses at me, sometimes he ignores me...none of those things make me feel any better.  But it's hard to hold it against him since he really doesn't know what to do and we haven't been together long enough or gone through enough hard times for him to know what I need in those moments.  But this Sunday, he just let me cry.  He didn't say anything, he didn't do anything.  He drove.  I cried.  And in some weird, twisted way...it was nice.  It was nice just to have him there.  It was nice to cry in front of him, because I usually run into the bedroom and hide when I feel tears coming on.  
When we got home, I leaned into him for a hug with my face turned away so that I didn't get makeup on his white shirt.  We went inside, got the dogs, and went to my parent's house for lunch.  When we returned, we laid on the sofas and watched House until it was time for bed.  We didn't go back to church last night ... 
I felt uneasy all day.  I still feel uneasy this morning.  But I know my husband is there for me, and it makes a world of difference.  

So my goal for this week is to be a better wife to him, too.  I told him my plan this morning and he responded with a "Well, we have to start going to bed at 8:30."
I leave for work every morning at 8:45 am to be at work by 9.  Mr. R hasn't made any money in the past few weeks because it's easy for him to get distracted once I leave the house.  From what I can tell, he usually spends some time in the word, watches ESPN, and just kind of hangs out.  Sometimes he visits with a friend of his, sometimes he comes by my work and talks to me or my dad.  I've done nothing but make the problem worse...because when I work all day and come home to find him laying on the sofa, and the house looks a mess....the next morning, I leave him a list of chores.  My logic is that if he's going to spend all day at home, he might as well do some housework to help lighten my load.
And yes, if he's home all day he should help out around the house.  I come home and housework is done, so I'm happy.  The problem here is that I'm being selfish when I should be encouraging.  I told him this morning we're going to start waking up at 6 am instead of 8.  We'll spend some time studying the Bible together, have coffee, and get ready.  Hopefully if we start our day off productively, that pattern will continue for the rest of the day.  So...our bedtime has moved from 10 pm to 8:30, I suppose.  =)   It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make so that we can start being better friends for each other.  He gave me exactly what I needed by letting me cry in the car, and I should be giving him exactly what he needs too.  

Anxiety, House Hunting, & A Call To Serve

I feel a little nervous writing this post, but I'm not really sure why.  Perhaps it's because I feel like there is much to be said about our marriage right now.  
Tomorrow at 2:15, I have a doctor's appointment to address my anxiety problems.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately because it's caused problems in our marriage and I hate that.  My mind is just going, going, going...and when I think about it, I can't seem to shake that anxiety that just rattles me to the core & makes my hands shake and my mind race.  The first time I ever experienced anxiety problems was during wedding planning, which is ridiculous because wedding planning is supposed to be fun and we hired a wedding planner.  There were some issues with different family members that I couldn't put off on our planner, but my stress level really should have been at a minimum as far as brides are concerned.  It put a strain on me, it put on a strain on our relationship and on some of my other relationships.  I ended up going to the doctor and he put me on anxiety medication to help me manage my feelings, but we both assumed that the emotional problems I was having was just a side effect of wedding planning.  As soon as the wedding was over, I stopped taking my medication.  Things calmed down, and although Mr. Robinson and I had a rocky start once we started life together, we both attributed it to problems associated with being brand new newlyweds.  After being married for a little over 9 months, we've noticed that we seem to get caught in a rather vicious cycle.  Mr. Robinson will do something that bothers me and I'll flip out.  Usually, the "thing" he does isn't a huge deal, but it bothers me in a huge way.  I fuss and complain and get super emotional and irrational.  His response is to get angry & lash out.  He says hurtful things that reflect the way he feels in that moment, which only make me more emotional.  Then the next few days get really awkward as we try to coexist without crossing paths because both of us are hurt and angry.  It's no fun to live like this, and last time we went through these motions, the thought occurred to me that "maybe I need to get back on my medication" and I said it out loud.  Mr. Robinson said "maybe you do."  Later, once our emotions had calmed down, we had a long talk and made up...but decided to at least talk to my doctor about it.  Anxiety/depression problems run in my family and have caused pain within my family.  If that's what this is and I catch it early, I should consider it a blessing.  But it's hard not to be angry at the fact that I may need medication to balance myself out.  I don't want these problems, even though they don't pop up very often.  Maybe once a month - sometimes more, sometimes less.  But they leave a lasting damage that I don't want.  So, we'll see what happens tomorrow.  Then Saturday, I think, we are meeting with a pastor/friend and his wife (who happens to battle anxiety and depression) and get an opinion on that side.  Hopefully we'll get some answers this week...it's just scary and annoying and embarrassing.  
Like I said, I've been thinking about it a lot lately.  If you've read all about my past, I allude to the fact that I spent part of my life "experimenting" with drugs and alcohol.  I abused different substances in different ways, but in reflecting...I'm starting to think that maybe my desire for those substances was coming from a desire to self-medicate.  And that makes me sad.
My main concern is my marriage.  We both say and do things in a moment of passion that leave permanent damage.  We can't take our words back, we can't take our actions back, and we can't erase memories.  Big fights have a way of haunting us...and I hope that by seeking professional opinions we can prevent those ghosts from finding us.  
Meanwhile.... back at the ranch....
We did some light house-hunting yesterday.  With the issues we have going on at church right now, the possibility of us finding a new church home has become rather real.  With that idea also comes the idea of relocating.  Nothing too drastic, but a move nonetheless (even if it would just be a move to a home 30 minutes away).  It was fun, but we realized how spoiled we are with all of the space & privacy we have in our current home.  We didn't see anything we liked enough to pursue, but it's always fun to daydream.  
In addition to all of that, Mr. Robinson is feeling a strong calling into the ministry.  And while at one point in my life a calling for him to be a pastor would have terrified me, I'm actually pretty cool with it this time.  Does it change my big "life plan?"  For sure.  But God's plans always turn out so much better than mine, anyway.  Back in January I wrote a post called Frying Chicken Never Saved A Soul.  It was about my husband's call to serve God and about my fears - because I felt like I had nothing to offer, no usable skills to serve God with.  But, the Women at Crossroads conference really changed my opinion of myself and my ability to serve God.  I'm at the point now where I think I could make a good Pastor's wife - with HIS help!  So...we'll see what happens next!